Tuesday, July 28, 2009

Melissa's Faith Statement...

My sister was asked to write and then recite her faith statement at her church. Our small group is going through a series on song this summer and with her permission I shared it with them and now with you!

~love, juliana


I love singing. I don’t remember when I first began to sing, but I do know that it is second to breathing for me. Song has carried me through the victories and losses of my life. During my second year of college, I decided to take a music theory class. Previous to this class, my experience with music was primarily vocal. I learned songs mostly by repetition with a minimal understanding of their form and structure. Now I was learning so much about the way notes can be assembled and crafted to create song. Music theory is fascinating and complex. Although it was challenging for me, I found myself falling in love with music all over again but for very different reasons.

For instance, we discussed dissonance. Two notes that occur side by side on the scale create a clash when played or sung together. The two notes are so similar and so close together but just different enough to achieve discord, a sense of urgency and disagreement. There is a tendency here toward resolution. And often that is just what happens. One note yields to the other by becoming unison with it or by taking a greater step away in order that a more harmonious and pleasing interval might take its place.

I also learned about pedal tones. Pedal tones are repeated notes in one line of the chord that continue even as other notes change around them. Composers like Bach and Hayden used pedal tones to symbolize God: steadfast, unwavering, faithful. In a choral setting, for example, pedal tones are often given to the bass and alto parts. Perhaps because these are the lower of both male and female voices and repeated notes in a lower range conveys a sense of resonance and power. Maintaining a single pitch measure after measure may seem dull and boring. But there is a depth and interest to pedal tones. They provide foundation, rhythm, and contrast through which the other parts are free to flourish, explore, and dance.

Another vocal concept worth mentioning is staggered breathing. This is a crafty means of maintaining continuous sound in a choral setting while still allowing for breath. Individual singers plan to take a break and replenish their oxygen during a note their colleagues are singing through. These breaks are staggered through the music so that no two people are taking one at the same time and thus the note is maintained through out. Staggered breathing is used when a vocal line is so lush and full that to interrupt it for breath would diminish its quality and character.

Perhaps my favorite musical device- ironically- is silence; probably because it is such an unexpected component in music. Maybe it is counter-intuitive to find that silence is an integral part of the overall sound. So many of my choir directors have urged me and my choir mates to observe the rests and give them their full value when we have them. It can be tempting to sing right through them; however, honoring the length of a rest can be very meaningful. There is even a musical notation that extends a rest through out all vocal parts and is held out sometimes for a full measure. Three or four seconds of silence may seem insignificant, but trust me, if the entire choir pauses together even for a few seconds, the quiet is very very noticeable. The audience may wonder what has happened. Why has everyone simultaneously stopped singing? They can even begin to believe the song has abruptly ended, but they must be hesitant enough to postpone applause. The silence is most effective when it hangs in the air.

Thankfully, I can remember only a handful of times when a silence like this entered my life. I have mentioned that I like to sing. So when I think of a specific experience that has strengthened my faith in God, I do not immediately think of a single event, I think of several. And music seems like the perfect context through which I might explain the way I experience the world around me and the desire for God within me. Song is an active part of my faith. It is as present and available to me as God is. In fact, it is often like prayer for me; a means through which I communicate with my Creator. If I am feeling sad and blue, I start to hum and eventually sing and before long my spirits are lifted and my outlook is not quite so bleak. If I am feeling cheerful, then singing a song seems like the perfect way to express and honor that joy. Sometimes I don’t need to be feeling anything particular, sometimes I don’t even realize I’m singing and yes, I most definitely sing in the shower.

Imagine with me then, as I remember, how unsettling, how deafening those silences felt when my voice trailed to a whisper and then fell away completely. My heart, so heavy beneath the weight of whatever the particular circumstance, that I could not find anything strong enough to lift it- even just a little bit. I could not even find the will to sing. This kind of silence makes me nervous. I want to tell you all that I am perfectly poised and certain of myself at all times. But the truth is that when the winds of my life change direction and I feel that I have lost something: a friend or loved one, a missed opportunity, an ideal- and if on top of all those things I have lost also my song and with it my sense of connection to the divine- I begin to wonder what is left of me. And I am so afraid of what I’m about to see.

Personal crises have a way of turning the world upside down and making evident not only the notions I might’ve had about myself, but also the world at large. I do not handle myself well at times like this. I get anxious and insecure, and God is the first to receive the flurry of my frustration. I confess, in my weaker moments I have heaped my disillusionment heavenward demanding comprehensive and immediate answers.

“Hello God! Are you seeing this?! I’m wiggin’ out down here!” And then I proceed to describe every last detail- as I am invited to do in Ephesians. And when I am finished describing the discomfort and grief I am feeling in my life, I decide that I’d like to mention some of the other things that have been bothering me.

“By the way, what is with this thing called hunger? You have blessed and supplied the earth’s soil with a fruitful harvest and yet there is vast and needless waste in some areas and terrible shortages in others. Why are there little children struggling to live for something as simple as lack of food? Why are mothers and fathers made to witness this deprivation with so little ability to change it?

What is this thing called war, how it ravages and separates and destroys? What is with this abundance of suffering? How it takes on so many forms, how it touches everyone at one time or another and how there are no assurances that when it arrives we will be strong enough to endure it?

What are these promises called peace and love and diplomacy that are supposed to heal and unite but sometimes feel so abstract and ever-elusive, always just beyond our reach? Why- even with all our creativity and resources- are we so incapable of implementing effective solutions to these problems in our world and in our own lives? Why, why do we continue to hurt one another even when we have the option to love? Is this what you wanted me to see, God? Is it? I am horrified. I am heartbroken. Do you expect me now to believe that you exist? Do you expect me to believe you are here in this place?

Alfred, Lord Tennyson wrote, “There lives more faith in honest doubt, Believe me, than in half the creeds.” I have a high regard for the Lord’s Prayer, and the serenity prayer, but I believe Tennyson is right. In silence, I don’t have the comfort of those songs and prayers to reassure me. But there is something. And I don’t know what it is really. Because it is greater and stronger- even in my weak moments- than anything I know or understand. Aurelius Augustinus explained it like this, “Understanding is the reward of faith. Therefore, seek not to understand that thou mayest believe, but believe that thou mayest understand.” Before I can even finish my lament, I already have my answer. It’s not words or an explanation- God’s ways are not my own after all. It is the realization that I have become dissonant. The discomfort I am feeling is in my reluctance to let go of whatever it is I think I should have or be so that I might align myself once again with who I am and with what is. Martin Luther once wrote, “I have held many things in my hands, and I have lost them all; but whatever I have placed in God’s hands, that I still possess.” I think God understands how difficult this is for me because I am met with strong, steady bursts of hope and peace. Pedal tones. I may not hear them at first, but they continue as the days pass growing louder and louder until I am inundated with small and simple gifts, like witnessing an act of human kindness or nature at play. After awhile, I begin to suspect I’m being invited to join the motion unfolding around me in order that I might flourish and explore and dance. I am a little hesitant and unsure so I reach out to the comfort of friends, family, and community as I stagger for my next breath. And slowly, oh-so-slowly I feel a faint and familiar longing rising up from the stillness within me. Yes, I know what this is. This is all the sureness of things hoped for and certainty of what I cannot see. God is real. God is present. As surely as I can recall those silences in life that have so perplexed me, I can also testify to innumerable examples of pure joy. A joy so deep and encompassing that I experience traces of it even in my darkest moments. After all, Charles A. Beard said, “When it gets dark enough you can see the stars.” This is the joy of a Giver and a Lover who is with us, mighty to save, taking delight in us and quieting us with Love. This is the joy of the Lord and it is my strength.

Friday, July 24, 2009

John Piper on a difficult text

Here is a nice article by John Piper, which ends with this thought:

" Christ is the glory we were made to see. His light alone will fill us and give the light of life and meaning to every part of our lives. And when that happens, we ourselves will shine and give off the rays of Christ. “If then your whole body is full of light, having no part dark, it will be wholly bright, as when a lamp with its rays gives you light.”

Lord, open the eyes of our hearts to see the supreme greatness of your wisdom and power. Make our eyes good. Heal our blindness. Fill us with the all-pervading, all-exposing, all-purifying, all-pleasing light of your presence. "



This is becoming our prayer as a family, as we read one of Piper's books together: When I don't desire God: How to Fight for Joy

Some good advice

Please tolerate some good medical advice from this article!

(Physician's First Watch for July 22, 2009)

Healthy Lifestyle Blunts Risks for Heart Failure, Hypertension
David G. Fairchild, MD, MPH, Editor-in-Chief

"Healthy lifestyle is associated with reduced risk of both hypertension and heart failure," an editorialist concludes from two prospective JAMA studies.

One study examined the risk for heart failure in some 21,000 male physicians followed for over 20 years. The more the subjects practiced six healthy lifestyle habits, the less likely they were to develop heart failure during follow-up. The healthy habits included: keeping a normal weight, not smoking, exercising regularly, drinking moderately, eating breakfast cereals, and consuming fruits and vegetables. Heart failure risk was 21% with adherence to none of the six, and 10% with adherence to four or more.

Similarly, a study following some 84,000 female nurses for 14 years revealed that greater adherence to a number of lifestyle habits was associated with a lower incidence of hypertension. The factors were: BMI under 25, regular exercise, DASH-diet adherence, moderate drinking, infrequent use of nonnarcotic analgesics, and folic acid supplementation. The difference in incidence between those adhering to all six habits versus those adhering to none was calculated to be about 8 cases per 1000 person-years.

JAMA article on heart failure (Free abstract; full text requires subscription)

JAMA article on hypertension (Free abstract; full text requires subscription)

Thursday, July 23, 2009

Coonoor with Gumpa

Just a short note to break the silence!

From 14th to 18th July, we went on holiday to Coonoor. It was, as we had hoped, a time of refreshing and renewing. The weather was not great, and it drizzled most of the holiday, but it was great to be able to spend time with each other, and with Daddy who joined us from Bangalore.



One of Anand's new words learnt on the trip was "Gumpa", and he used this word with great finesse while getting his Grandpa to supply all his needs. Grandpa and Grandson hit it off well together, and, on many occasions, Gumpa was the first word Anand would say in the morning, while planning his day's conquests.

We stayed at the Brooklands Christian Guest House. We had stayed there once before, and were impressed by a quote from Pilgrim's Progress that hung over the entrance:

"This house was built by the Lord of the hill, and he built it for the relief and security of pilgrims."


so, when we felt weary, and in need of a break (Lol!), we decided to go back for relief!

One of the highlights of the trip was travelling up (and down) the hill in a steam engine-driven hill train. This metre-guage railway was built more than a century ago, and Anand absolutely enjoyed the experience of travelling in a 'moke tutu' (his version of smoke train). Another highlight was our experience (I hope other young parents among us will commiserate with this!) of travelling with Anand's 'potty' (packed away with all our clothes!) and pram.





Another highlight was visiting 'Acres Wild', a 22 acre farm in Coonoor. Briefly, this farm is the attempt of a young Hindi movie producer from Bombay and his family, to live closer to nature. You can read more about their experiment at this site. Mr Mansoor Khan was very kind in welcoming us first to his house and then to the farm, where he spent a good part of the morning showing us around, and explaining what he was doing. It was inspiring, to say the least. By the time we left, Sweety was ready to travel to another nearby town (Kotagiri) and buy some land to set up our own farm! Unfortunately, my pragmatism and (some would say) pessimism held sway, and, so, here we are, back in our room in Vellore with our 4 chickens!

The last week, too, has been exciting. We have officially inaugurated our new 'indoor garden', with a strawberry plant we brought back with us from Coonoor. (Right now, it does not look like this plant will survive the Vellore climate). We are researching options in indoor plants, and have started by filling thermocol boxes with soil from the M ward garden, and using them inside our home. I really hope this experiment is successful. Do let us know if you have ideas on growing gardens indoors.

After much research, planning and drawing, and with the help of sites like this one, we have finally designed our own chicken coop. This is likely to be a marvel of civil engineering when it is completed. We summoned a carpenter to our house. He was highly recommended by some of our friends, but was totally confused and demoralised at the end of our convoluted explanations and descriptions of our dream coop. We are now looking forward to seeing what he has constructed, and our chickens moving into better accommodation!

My mom is now visiting with us, and will be here till next Tuesday. My dad will join us on Sunday. She is here for rest and dressings, while she recovers from some wounds on her leg. She seems much better now, and Anand has learned to use the word "Ammachy" to great effect.

Our love to all of you! Do keep blogging!

Saturday, July 11, 2009

From Hyderabad

I am writing this from Hyderabad. Granny is doing well, though she sleeps most of the day. Several times within an hour Granny asks about all of you. Yesterday, I showed Sareena's pictures from this blog. She wants the print of a picture of Sareena as she has pictures of Safina and Anand stuck in front of her. Today she remembered Sareena's name, though she asked me a few minutes later "how many girls Ashish and Juliana have?". Otherwise she is keeping well.

Met Pradeep's dad here today at the PtP event. Pradeep's mom is to have a surgery today or tomorrow.

I am looking forward to seeing Ashita in Bangalore and later Arpita, Pradeep and Anand at Coonoor, next week.

Thursday, July 9, 2009

"however apart, we are together"

Its been exactly a year since I came to Asha Niketan. Most of you know, I've decided to continue in the community for a second year. I've been blessed being here in so many ways. First of all there is so much I'm learning each day sharing life with the core people who make up this community, and those who choose to be assistants here for varying lenghts of time. I'm especially learning from the core members how I am more than body and mind, and trying to make connections with my heart. I've also been blessed by encountering others associated with the community.(Did you know I met the artist who did the stations of the cross paintings at St. Stephen's Chapel? And BTW Anugrah thanks for searching out that information on the little brothers of Jesus and the lovely poem.)My discovery of the little brothers and little sisters of Jesus has been very exciting. Br Mani who 'accompanies me' has just moved with two other brothers to a poor area of Bangalore.To me their lives are very close to what you, Cheryl and Anugrah have decided to live with your neighbours in Junta Colony.

Oh! And another great thing about being here - especially now that I'm more house bound - I'm reading a lot of very interesting stuff. Lots I'd like to share with you, but for a start here is something that especially speaks to this virtual space that we share...its about what the physical space 24rr actually is to all of us... its from a book someone just gave me called 'A canopy of stars' by a Christopher Gleeson SJ, who was head of two Jesuit school communities in Australia. The book talks about the common sky and stars that we see that remind us that 'however apart, we are together...' something like seeing the common strands in the journeys we are making beyond 24rr ??!!

So, here's this bit on family that I leave you with...

A family is a place
to cry and laugh
and vent frustration,
to ask for help
and tease and yell,
to be touched and
hugged and smiled at.
A family is people
who care when you are sad,
who love you no matter what,
who share your triumphs,
who don’t expect you to be perfect,
just growing in honesty in your own decisions.
A family is a circle
where we learn to make good decisions,
where we learn to think before we do,
where we learn integrity and table manners
and respect for other people;
where we are special,
where we listen and are listened to,
where we learn the rules of life
to prepare ourselves for the world.
The world is a place
where anything can happen:
if we grow up in a loving family we are ready for the world.


(I'm thankful each day for a family that supports me and takes keen interest in the journey I'm making. Thank you for the questions you ask, the advice you give or don't give, the ways you accompany me from afar with letters, phone calls, and of course this blog!!! as well as the times you have chosen to come and physically be present with me here.)

Wednesday, July 8, 2009

The Circus speaks of God

Ashita's "accompanier" (sort of Spiritual Guide) is a little brother of Jesus. This is a congregation that immerse themselves in communities around the world and earn their livelihood like their neighbours. I found it interesting, so did some reading around it and saw this really nice poem written by a little sister of Jesus, who along with other sisters is part of a circus community in the US. Fascinating poem.

Little Sister Jo describes their life at the circus in a poem.

Do you realize how the Circus speaks of God?

It was mid-season and it seemed we were living in a whirlwind. We were tired and complaining, saying:
“We’re crazy to work so hard, to keep up such a pace. For what, anyway?” When out of the whirlwind, God answered and said:


Who is this who speaks so?

Stand up and be questioned.

Do you realize how the circus speaks of God?

Where were you when I created light and darkness,

when I laid the foundation of the earth and spread out the firmament,

when I created light and stars?

Where were you when the living creatures came forth and animals and humans

lived in harmony and worked together?

You were not there and could not have known it.

So I inspired your forefathers and mothers

to create the circus!

A child comes out at dawn to watch the circus unfold,

and experiences in a few hours what unfolded billions of years ago

when I created the universe.

In the twilight of dawn, in that virgin point of time

between darkness and light, come children of all ages,

and as day bursts they see nothing but an empty field

still damp with the dew of darkness.

Then trucks arrive, stakes are driven, wood and rust split the dewdrops,

like the firmament of old.

Did you see their eyes when the elephants came lumbering

forth upon the field, and camels and horses,

and how the workers called them each by name—Minnie and Susie,

Barbara and Margaret, Gismo, Tchaikovsky and Brahms,

Katie the miniature hippopotamus and Goliath the water buffalo?

Did you feel their awe when man and beast worked together

pushing up the tent poles?

It took me 7 days of billions of years to create,

and here one can experience it, fresh and alive, in a few hours!

Do you realize how I made the circus to speak of my creative work?

Why do you think so many tents are decorated with stars?

Do you realize that the tent is not only firmament

but tabernacle, church, tent of worship

wherein takes place the Liturgy of the People?

I have made it so, years ago, when I designed it

in the hearts of your forefathers and mothers.

There is a curtain in the temple separating this sacred space,

hiding ordinary life from our eyes for a few hours

Through it will step the priestly ringmaster.

musicians and the makers of wonder and mirth.

The worshippers are waiting anxiously for the service to begin,

with ritual foods and their programs in hand.

Now for a few hours a transformation takes place.

You, artists, and your audience are one.

When you let go of the trapeze bar and trust the catcher will catch you

do you realize your audience is letting go and trusting, too?

Perhaps they’ll one day do the same with me.

When you perform feats of balance and skill,

do you realize your audience is doing things

they never dreamed they could do before?

Perhaps they’ll realize

that if they have faith the size of a mustard seed

I, too, can help them do extraordinary things.

When you clown and mimic their foibles and blunders

do you realize you are getting your audience to laugh at themselves?

I wish I could get them to do that.

A sense of humour is so healthy and humility so holy.

Animals do seemingly impossible things for animals to do.

Performers do seemingly impossible things for humans to do.

They perform “divinely” we say.

Like me, the Master of the Impossible.

Long ago I planned all this so my children would not lose

their sense of creation

of sacrifice and self-forgetfulness

of yearning for the divine

of awe and wonder

and laughter and love

Do you not realize it’s so?

Do you not realize how the circus speaks of God?

I who cross deserts and mountains to come to you.

I who am on the road with you.

Do you not realize it’s so?

Do you not realize how the circus speaks of God?

I who am Awe and Wonder

and Laughter

and Love.

Tuesday, July 7, 2009

sweet, sweet girls



Saturday, July 4, 2009

Granny has permanent air space over our house...

Any time Safina sees or hears an airplane flying overhead, she looks up and says, "There's my granny!" We were playing in the back yard this morning and an airplane flew above us and Safina again said her Granny was in the airplane and that, "she hears me right now."

Wednesday, July 1, 2009

An explanation!

Here's a great quote from C S Lewis that explains my last two posts:

"But the most obvious fact about praise—whether of God or anything —strangely escaped me. I thought of it in terms of compliment, approval, or the giving of honor. I had never noticed that all enjoyment spontaneously overflows into praise unless (sometimes even if) shyness or the fear of boring others is deliberately brought in to check it. The world rings with praise—lovers praising their mistresses, readers their favorite poet, walkers praising the countryside, players praising their favorite game—praise of weather, wines, dishes, actors, horses, colleges, countries, historical personages, children, flowers, mountains, rare stamps, rare beetles, even sometimes politicians and scholars. My whole, more general difficulty, about the praise of God depended on my absurdly denying to us, as regards the supremely Valuable, what we delight to do, what indeed we can't help doing, about everything else we value.

I think we delight to praise what we enjoy because the praise not merely expresses but completes the enjoyment; it is its appointed consummation. It is not out of compliment that lovers keep on telling one another how beautiful they are, the delight is incomplete till it is expressed. (Reflections on the Psalms, pp. 93-95)"

The Entertainer!

Living with Anand is continuous entertainment.

Filling his mother's boots



and his father's shirt



Storytelling...



Demonstrating the countdown to the take-off of a rocket...



Forrest Gump..he crouches like a runner at the start of a race, and then sprints away...



His latest: when he falls down, or hurts himself in any way, he runs crying to his mother and asks her to kiss him.

"Ummmaa!"

Immediately, the crying switches off, and he says with a smile, "Gone!"

We are trying to catch that on video!

An observation

It's so easy to live life to the full,contentedly, when you live with somebody who is content, even if you are living in a single room with four chickens. If, on the other hand, you live with somebody who is perpetually disgruntled, you will be unhappy even if you live in a palace.

Most people in CMC seem to be grumbling about their housing. I am so grateful for Sweets. She has made the last year in Vellore so rich and full and blessed in so many ways.